Parents, the juggle and the struggle. Being with the overwhelming reality of our times

Nearly every parent I know feels overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with the juggle of it all. Working in full-time roles, parenting to the best of their capability and managing the stress and pressure of the current economy.  Nearly everyone I know is living in an over or under-responsive nervous system, due to the ‘always on’ mentality of our times. 
​
We are caught up in the juggle of being parents, bringing kids to school and extracurricular activities, managing the home, long working hours, increased mobility and economic pressures. Parents often take on multiple roles within the family and social structure from grandparent to aunt or sibling.  This is the status quo, and once we start to look at broader conditions such as aging elders and sick family members, financial, social and economic pressures, and family behaviours - the picture becomes even more complex.

The proverb “it takes a village”, speaks to the interconnectedness of all life, how much we need each other and be in community, supporting the development of our kids and the wellbeing of each other. One important role of families is to provide love, guidance, care and support for their members. The building of secure attachments and foundations in children starts with supporting the child’s prime carers, so they can be with their children and offer them the support they need. Even though parents may be a child's primary caregivers, a family does not exist in a vacuum. Social connectedness has been defined as those close bonds we experience with others including, for example, a sense of belonging and feeling cared for.  From my work in Somatics coaching and psychotherapy, this is so essential to our development - embodying safety, belonging and dignity as core human inherent needs and being with the interconnectedness of the village.   To be as present as possible with each other and our kids, to love the micro-moments and to enjoy our children as they morph and grow into adulthood.  

Western way of living does not support the village approach to child-rearing, self-care or deep self-love and care. Nor does it actively promote health over wealth. Very few parents I know prioritise self-care or ‘me’ time. Very few parents I know think about life outside of the juggling act and keeping their heads above water. Most of us are exhausted.  This can be coupled with the guilt of not being able to think and be with what is at stake in our current times, the social and climate changes we are facing, what we are losing and the longing to connect to something bigger outside of the day-to-day juggle.   That is a lot of contradiction and
​conflict to sit with.    

Our ways of living and being will not change from the top down our government is not saving us anytime soon. To build out more sustainable and life-affirming practices, we must continue connecting and broadening our village, while making time to be with ourselves and prioritise self-care.
​
Here are some self-care and village principles I share;  

• You deserve self-care and to deeply love yourself. Know you are enough. Know that you can spend time in self-care practice and that precious time is an opportunity to go inward and be with what you are experiencing whether it feels good or not
• Feel into the importance of presence, to be in this very moment, not in the past or the future, only in the now.  The practices I use and teach include slow nasal breathing and somatic centring. All can be used at any time in the day to come back to the present moment
• Become familiar with what pressures cause you to react over-respond. We are always practising something, and this includes how we defend ourselves, armour ourselves and be in stressful situations. Becoming familiar with your shaping and your response enables change.  This comes via awareness and noticing what is happening inside of you when you feel under pressure
•  Feel into the greater harmony of nature. We can consciously exchange and let go of our stresses while in the presence of nature and the cosmos. Creating a practice where you can spend time with plants, animals, trees and stars. It will nourish you
•  Connect with good people and bring them into your village. Don’t be afraid to ask for help in your trusted network. Don’t waste precious energy on people who are not committed to the greater good of your village and your kids. 
  
  

As an expatriate and solo parent, I made great friends in the community,  and they are our lifeblood. We work together on trust, building our kids up and letting each other rest.  I made inner work a priority. I did not want stress to be my life's definer and story.  I worked through and continue to work through transforming behaviours that are reactive over being responsive by instilling new practices and deepening my connection with people I am aligned with. 

At times, I leave the dishes in the sink and choose to hang out with my son instead. Sometimes I need to do absolutely nothing and if I get the chance, I prioritise rest.  This is juggling life and prioritising connection over perfection.  If anyone or any parent would like to connect and talk more about the importance of finding ourselves and our village among the juggling and the struggle, don’t hesitate to reach out to me at [email protected].